Psalm 23:1-4 (ESV) "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me."

As a child, my family would read this verse on Christmas as a yearly tradition. Eventually, this tradition dwindled as our family walked through brokenness and began new traditions with different families. Little did I know, the Lord intentionally planted this verse deep within me at a young age because it would be a verse that would carry me through life.

About nine years ago, my parents decided to end their marriage. I always thought that they had a loving relationship and that they would be together forever. As a kid, it was very difficult to understand how these kinds of things can happen in your own family. Amidst the pain and confusion, I eventually came to the conclusion that I was the one responsible for their divorce. The enemy used the divorce to plant lies within me, and I believed every one of them. "You were the worst daughter," "Your parents didn't want you," "Everyone knows the divorce is your fault". This was the beginning of a deep, dark season.

I started to have demonic dreams. Every dream that I had would start out normal and somehow end up with me dying. No matter how good the dream seemed, it always ended with death. These dreams became normal to me, and I thought everyone experienced them. Because the idea of death so frequently visited my unconscious mind, I began to struggle deeply with suicidal thoughts, depression, and anxiety in my everyday life. I went through all of elementary school, middle school, and part of high school, believing that death was my only purpose. I tried to stay busy so I didn't have to face what was going on internally, but I was deeply struggling.

After the divorce, my dad moved out and began attending church again. He became very strong in his faith and met my now Step-mom. They got married, and although it was a strange transition to have another motherly figure in my life, she was just what I needed.

My sister and I started going to church with the two of them. I began to get more involved with the church, and I knew I was taking steps in the right direction, but I still needed so much healing to take place. I didn't know how to open up to any of my friends or leaders and wanted to keep what I was inwardly facing hidden. I continued to press on, hoping that my inner struggles would miraculously vanish. Because I had not sought the Lord for true deliverance, the night terrors, depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts continued to torment me. I started to distance myself from the church once again. I didn't want to be here anymore, and I often contemplated how I was going to end my life.

During this season, my Dad and Step-mom discovered Radiant Church. We started watching the service online as a family. After COVID started to ease up, Radiant Students re-opened, and my step-sister, who served at the time, invited me to go. I knew nobody. I hadn't been to a youth group in over two years, and I walked in with a skeptical attitude. However, that didn't stop the Lord from meeting me right where I was at. I remember standing in worship and feeling the Holy Spirit so tangible for the first time ever. The truth of who He was began to swell within me, and I knew at that moment that Jesus was my hope and my answer - my savior from the darkness I'd been walking in.

In 2021, I decided to attend the Bold Conference. At this conference, the Lord met me and invited me to live a life completely devoted to Him and only Him. He had so much waiting for me. Death was not my promise; life and life more abundantly was my promise. After the conference, I began to truly seek the Lord with my whole heart. Healing was a process, but I knew He was walking with me through it. I still struggled with clouded thoughts, but I never doubted that I could be completely delivered from them.

The following year at Bold Conference, the Lord fully delivered me from suicide, depression, and anxiety. He spoke truth over me, and the words He said have changed my life forever. "I have taken off the mark of Death upon your head, and I have marked you with life." 

After eight years of living in captivity, I was freed in a moment. The Lord spoke a new identity over me, and I have not experienced a suicidal thought, tendency, or anxiety attack since. My life's story has been redeemed to one of hope and promise. I sing, I dance, and I seek after the Lord with my whole heart. He's replaced my Demonic dreams with Prophetic dreams, and I am walking in His joy and in His promises.

Do you feel your story can serve as a hope and inspiration to others? Share your story at mystory@radiant.church.