Growing up, my family attended a small Quaker church in rural Illinois. I can remember singing and praying to God as I wandered around His beautiful creation that surrounded our country home. When I couldn’t sleep at night, I would take a walk down the lane that lead to a river and listen to nature praise Him. The crickets chirped with joy, and the corn moved in ways that made beautiful swishing sounds that may as well have been the sound of Jesus' robe. Looking back, I can see all the ways He fought for me and lead me through trials at home, at school, and really anywhere I went throughout my childhood. Then, high school came.

I had always been full of love to give, and that made me a target for some male upperclassmen. As a teenager, I had boyfriends who verbally and physically abused me. By the time I escaped those relationships, I had been corrupted into thinking that I needed to be loved by a man to have any sort of status. I felt that if I didn’t have a boyfriend, I was nothing. After a rough breakup in college, I turned all the hate that had built up in me over the years toward myself. I spent a lot of time alone, not wanting to join any clubs or sports for fear of judgement. I had completely forgotten about my faith and the Jesus I knew so well as a child. Anxiety, depression, and self hate took over my life.

By the time I met my husband, I had given up on finding the true love that I had been searching for. But God had other plans! I met Josh in February, and finally began feeling love in a pure way again. Josh knew all of my traumatic experiences and loved me despite all the walls I had built because of them. I was so happy to finally feel safe and loved again. Little did I know, this was just the beginning of God’s plan to stitch my heart back together.

Josh and I had been married for four years when we found out we were having our son Charlie. Due to a traumatic birth and postpartum anxiety, I don’t remember much of the early months of having our little boy. During that time, our marriage was held together solely by Josh’s kindness towards all my anger, fear, and anxiety. While we looked fine on the outside, we desperately needed help if we didn’t want our marriage to crumble. Then, a few months before Charlie turned one, I played an old worship song from my childhood on our Alexa, and Josh started singing along! I turned it off and said, "Wait, you know this song?”. He told me that he used to listen to a lot of Christian music and had attended church when he was in high school! I had no idea. For months I had secretly wanted to start going to church again, but I felt too embarrassed to ask. I asked what he thought about going to church regularly, and he said he’d been wanting to ask me the same question! For months we had both "liked" each other too much for either of us to make the other feel uncomfortable about going! We had no idea that God had laid the foundation of church in both of our lives– all we had to do was ask!

We started going to Radiant in January of 2018 and were baptized together in March of that year. Since then, we have been growing together in our newfound faith, and have rediscovered the love of the Holy Spirit. I have been reintroduced into the abundance that God has always had planned for me. I now have a family that loves Jesus and lives their lives for Him every day. The little girl that used to walk along the river and talk to God is now a woman with the mighty strength of the Holy Spirit behind and within her. Praise God for His faithfulness!

Do you feel your story can serve as a hope and inspiration to others? Contact us at mystory@radiant.church.