When God Says No
“We all tried to think of anything but the fact that one 6-foot-tall grown man could be reduced to fit into a pair of baggies.”
When the boat was finally ready, the guys signaled up the hill for us to come. Wishing this to be over quickly, but yet walking as if we had cement blocks on our feet, my mom, sisters, and I made our way down the cottage steps to the boat. On the water, Dad pulls out scissors and cuts open two clear, quart-sized Ziploc bags that contained Matt. We all tried to think of anything but the fact that one 6-foot-tall grown man could be reduced to fit into a pair of baggies. His ashes looked like beach sand with shards of white sea shells, except we all knew they weren’t shells. Or sand.
Six months prior, my 33-year old brother had been hiking Mount Fuji in the dead of winter, just southwest of Tokyo. As he was an adventurer by nature, none of our close-knit family thought much about Matt climbing, especially while he was on a long business trip. But by noon on Monday the police had begun a formal search, as Matt didn’t show up at work. That afternoon, a Mt. Fuji Search and Rescue team was dispatched, along with a helicopter, but it wasn’t long before a massive snowstorm cut the mission short.
Hour after hour, my extended family gathered together in my parents’ living room relentlessly begging God to bring Matt home alive and well. Day after day, news of failed missions due to winter storms ate away at our resolve. Our hope of finding Matt hunkered down and awaiting rescue seemed to be fading away just as fast as the news of his disappearance had come in.
As products of Godly parents and grandparents, we knew that our best weapon was prayer, especially when everything was unraveling 14 hours ahead of us on the other side of the world. Even with my strong foundation of faith, I still fought with God about my frustrations: cultural differences, language barriers, an unsupportive U.S. Embassy, subzero temperatures, deadly wind gusts, and unprecedented amounts of snow. What was God’s plan? Surely, it couldn’t have been better than mine.
“The emptiness inside of me was an insatiable black hole, but I figured that feeling empty was easier than revealing my brokenness and potentially being judged.”
“Listen to my prayer, O God. Do not ignore my cry for help! Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles.” –Psalm 55:1-2
“Holli? It’s Dad. A body was found.“
It was now June. The frigid winter temperatures were a distant memory for everyone except us. After months of anger, fear, doubt, and pleading with the Lord, prayers were now being answered as nature gave Matt back to us. With winter melting into spring, we found that my brother had most likely fallen or been blown off an icy switchback but did not suffer after any initial impact. With each bit of new information, a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I thanked God for his mercy towards Matt and the rest of our family.
“...it wasn’t long before a massive snowstorm cut the mission short. ”
“ With each bit of new information, a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I thanked God for his mercy towards Matt and the rest of our family. ”
At first, it was a huge blow when God said, “No” to our prayer of Matt coming home safe. As a believer, I could wallow in my misery, or choose to search for His other blessings. And for those, I didn’t have to look far. Matt’s body, for example, was found in one piece— what a relief that we didn’t have to recover various body parts. Matt also sent us postcards that said the weather was sunny and that it was a beautiful day to climb— so we knew Matt wasn’t being careless. And that wasn’t all, God still had more gifts waiting for my family in Japan!
Standing in a small room with a translator and the Japanese police, my parents were told that they found a camera on Matt’s body! What a miracle that the camera and memory card weren’t destroyed! The police and my parents flipped through some photo evidence: pictures of the mountainside, trails, and selfies. His familiar face smiled ear to ear, ice crusted on his eyebrows, and full of joy. This is the Matt we would remember!
But God didn’t stop there. The police flipped the page and showed a selfie of Matt on the summit! He had made it to the top! All this time, we had been searching at lower elevations, assuming Matt was out of his league. After months of prayer, there he was, standing triumphantly on top of a mountain rated equal to parts of the Himalayas in winter. Tears of joy filled the room as my parents celebrated Matt’s victory and thanked God for yet another miraculous blessing!
While the guys paddled us back to shore, I looked around at Matt’s beloved place...the family cottage. He loved watching sunsets; he loved water sports, and he loved grilling hot dogs and steaks. Most of all, though, he simply loved being with all of the family that gathered. Again, I’m faced with a choice: become bitter about future memories that are never to be or relish in the times we already shared. Through it all, I’ve learned that God’s blessings are unlocked around the corner of decision, we just have to choose to see Him.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” –2 Corinthians 4:18”
“Through it all, I’ve learned that God’s blessings are unlocked around the corner of decision, we just have to choose to see Him.”
Do you feel your story can serve as a hope and inspiration to others? Contact us at mystory@radiant.church.